A Life Amputated

Bleeding with guilt
in the aftermath
of today,
waylaid by a
deep sagging sadness,
on the living-room carpet
I spread out flat
the mutilated corpse
of my eternal optimism

Drenched in remorse,
ravaged by
this unspeakable loss,
an amputated heart
drops out
An amorphous
red stain
swallows the carpet
whole
There’s blood on
my hands

My unseeing eyes
conjure with painful clarity
that two-minute dance
of struggle and
defeat…
One bewildered heart
stenciled with terror
Two miniature lungs
thirsting oxygen
One valiant little head
hunting escape
Two tiny hands
splashing helpless
A cruel, unyielding bucket
refusing to buckle

Visions of
smothered lullabies,
untold bedtime stories
still salty
on my tongue,
I hear on loop the
deafening echo of
a silent unheard scream
‘Save me Mommy please!’

In two minutes flat,
breathless beats and
a harried heart,
ruthlessly flung
solar systems apart
In those two minutes
sapped of hope,
at what point did
your tiny heart
surrender to fate?
At what moment
did those twinkling eyes
extinguish to
anemic white crescents?

Lamenting a childhood
severed short
an unworn birthday frock
sobs on its hanger
a lonely birthday cake lies
shriveled in its box
birthday balloons grieve
— their edges, puckered wounds
discolored streamers languish
— a listless bunch of dehydrated dreams

A lacerating regret
dyed in permanent ink
etches itself upon
the retina of my memory
You are everywhere
except here
And that hurts
Wrapped in a violent
empty silence
I crush piercing screams
My wounds fresh
— ablaze like a new red sun
melt into the
abyss of your nothingness

Trying to patch together
my broken pieces
My heart surrenders
to battle fatigue
Words propel themselves
out of me
scalding my throat
with burning tears
Meager words
mammoth grief
mourn a life
rendered brief

Trembling hands cremate
an uncelebrated birthday girl
— her body a continent
of splintered stars,
squandered in
a moment of negligence

My skin is imprinted with
your fresh innocent breath
In your death
you’ve birthed another
death
I campaigned for nothing
I toiled for nothing
You died for nothing

You were too busy for me
or perhaps too young
I hear you mock
Maybe you got me too easy
you say
Pick your lessons
from the blisters
of this numbing pain
Rearrange your priorities
I’ll be back again

You came in a blink
In a blink, you’re gone
Before I got time
to say goodbye
my swan became one
with
the faraway sky

— Puja Bhakoo